March of madness

This month has been crazy as hell. Like out of no where, life for me has just been wild.

I remember…going to see black panther with my mate and bf.

I remember, gearing up for State testing and just loving everything

Then. March.

God, I can’t believe how it seemed like everything was just breaking. I lost myself obsessing over well skin to be general. I noticed that it was just rough to the touch. Was it always like that? Is that a spot? Is this normal? Constantly checking and checking. For weeks. Calling everyone I knew. Asking very personal questions. Scarring the shit out of myself. I just got checked up you know. Clean. So what the actual fuck is going on?????

Phone call. Someone’s dead. Gotta go home. Anxiety and stress feeling like a ton. Worry none stop. Can’t make good choices. No gym. I can’t focus. I don’t feel like me anymore. What’s wrong what’s wrong what’s wrong

Empty house. Need to do work. Behind on grades. Need to plan. No internet. Friend’s mom sick. No one there. All alone

As usual. Always alone. This time, both inside and out. That feeling. Never ever shook it. Since I was a kid. People come. People go. All I got is me. And I’m psycho. Seriously, it goes away in water. What the hell is wrong with me…

Come back. Friend calls crying his heart out. He has reason to worry. Ain’t talked since. I feel horrible. Skin looks better…nothing seems wrong. seems like everyone is right.

I’m losing it. And don’t know why. I was just on cloud 9. How did I get so low.

I’m tired. Feels like I’m here, but not. Don’t know why. Mom calls. Things happen to her too. Just take care of yourself, stop stressing. Things happen when you do.

Snaps out of it. Feeling better. 85% maybe. Can control how content is delivered. Hopeful

I can’t teach according to my kids.

Ouch. My pride. I do so much for all of you. Late nights. Skipped meals. Worry work worry. And you are so ungrateful.

Skin looks normal. It may have always been like that.

March drove me mad. Thanks to all who supported me and stood next to me. Hugged me. Listened. Offered advice.

Mostly who told me that I’m ok.

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